I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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