this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Randomize
