Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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