I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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