Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
