My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
