Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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