Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
