and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
