yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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