After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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