And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
