And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
