Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
