DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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