He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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