Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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