Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
where are my eyebrows?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
