READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
