I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
