do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
