whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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