I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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