...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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