cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
