What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
