Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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