I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
