the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
