I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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