So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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