I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
