i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
