so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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