Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
