I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
