you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
