the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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