Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions