He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
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He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.