You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
