i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
