He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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