Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks