Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...