Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
