My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
