he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
