you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
