I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize