I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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