Welp...herpes.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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