I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
