he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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