I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize