I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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