I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
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Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
being pregnant is like rehab
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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