just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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