i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
