He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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