I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
