It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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