i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
