i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
