i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
