i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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